Schadenfreude
by TheOppositesAlchemist
Summary: America is down and out and feeling really crappy. When Prussia sees how sad he is, it kinda makes him...happy! America learns all about happiness at the misfortune of others, but not without a few examples. Songfic, no pairings. Rated for a good reason.


**A/N FANBASE. I AM DISAPPOINT. WHY IS THERE NO HETALIA PARODY OF THIS YET? OR AT LEAST NOT ONE I CAN FIND?**

**Whatever. You all seemed to like my Gay or European story, so I suppose I'll try to make another parody thing! *cough*fivemonthslater*cough* As with the last one, look up this song first. It's sorta inappropriate, but if you don't mind, it's really funny.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own this song or Hetalia. I do experience Schadenfreude, though!**

After one of the UN meetings or something, America was sitting at the bar of some restaurant. He was starting to get rather tired of everyone being mean to him. All he's trying to do is spread justice and democracy around! Maybe it's forceful, but it's a good cause!

Prussia noticed America was looking depressed. Schiesse, how out of character is that? His (slightly!) drunken mind decided that he must awesomely put an end to that. And what better way to do that than with a totally awesome plan that he just now thought up? Trick question, there is no better way.

So, Prussia awesomely made his way over to where America was and sat in the chair next to him.

"Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy," Prussia started sympathetically.

"I'll say," America sighed.

"And when I see how sad you are, it sort of makes me...Happy!"

"Happy?" America shouted, looking up.

"Sorry, America, human nature! Nothing I can do! It's schadenfreude! Making me feel glad that I'm not you," Prussia cackled. America, in turn, glared at him.

"Well that's not very nice, Prussia!"

"I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!" Prussia motioned for America to look over to where a drunk England, who someone had convinced to put on a waiter outfit, was stumbling around. "Do you ever clap when a waiter falls and drops a tray of glasses?" On cue, he toppled over and sent a few cups flying.

"Yeah..." America replied hesitantly. Prussia then pointed out the window to where you could see an outdoor ice skating rink where Canawhatever was practicing.

"And ain't it fun to watch hockey skaters falling on their asses?" Prussia asked. Canyoudothecancan accidentally hit his skate with the hockey stick and made himself fall over.

"Sure!" America said, smiling a little.

"And don't you feel all warm and cozy watching people out in the rain?" To make Canary's life worse, it began pouring. As he fumed and repeatedly failed to stand up on the extremely slippery ice, the two inside watched and started laughing.

"You bet!"

"That's..." Prussia began

"Schadenfreude!" they said together.

"People taking pleasure in your pain!" The Awesome One continued with a smirk. America looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Oh, schadenfreude, huh? What's that, some kinda Nazi word?" Prussia winced a little, but responded nevertheless.

"Yup! It's German for 'happiness at the misfortune of others!'" He informed America.

"'Happiness at the misfortune of others...'" America thought out loud. Then he broke into a grin. "That is German!" As Prussia contemplated smacking him, but the latter had stood up and began walking, looking around. "Watching a vegetarian being told he just ate chicken!" Netherlands was gagging on his food as Belgium giggled. Prussia got up and followed America.

"Or watching France realize just what he put his dick in!" Prussia added as France walked by with a blank, mentally scarred look on his face. America laughed as they went out to the lobby and got into the elevator. As Russia started to walk up, America grinned evilly.

"Being on the elevator when somebody shouts-"

"Hold the door!" called Russia.

"No!" yelled both, slamming the 'door close' button at the same time, denying Russia entry. "Schadenfreude!"

"Fuck you creeper, that's what stairs are for!" hollered Prussia as the elevator began descending. The two began to crack up.

"Ooh, how about...straight A students getting B's?" suggested America.

"Exes getting STD's!" responded Prussia.

"Waking doormen from their naps!"

"Watching tourists reading maps!"

"Football players getting tackled!"

"CEO's getting shackled!"

"Watching actors never reach-"

"The ending of their Oscar speech!" they finished together as the doors opened to their floor and they walked out onto the top floor, laughing again. "Schadenfreude! Schadenfreude! Schadenfreude! Schadenfreude!" Prussia then turned to America, looking a little more serious.

"The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate." said the ex-country. "Because when people see us, they don't want to be us, and that makes them feel great!"

"Sure! We provide a vital service to society!" America stated proudly. Prussia joined in.

"You and me! Schadenfreude! Making the world a better place, making the world a better place, making the world a better place...to be!" they finished.

"S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!" shouted Prussia. The two burst out laughing. After they caught their breath, America looked up to Prussia happily.

"Thanks Prussia!"

"Anytime. Or at least, anytime when it's suitable for the awesome me."

"Now I can see that I really am a hero!"

"Sure."

"It makes me feel so awesome!"

"Yep."

"Much awesomer than you!"

"Uh-hu—wait, what?" Prussia snapped to attention angrily. "Stop this crazy talk, I'm the drunk one, not you."

Unfortunately, when America went out to try and spread this great idea of 'schadenfreude' to his brother, Canudnisnjvvnfl, the pissed off and sopping wet nation didn't take it very well. And he still had his hockey stick.

"Owowowow!"

"Shut up you hoser, it's schadenfreude!"

**A/N Oh God, please tell me you listened to the song first or else this probably looks ten times stupider.**

**Anyway...Woooooo three pages in two hours or something. I'm not sure why felt the need to write a story around midnight, but I've let too many story ideas be forgotten by not writing them right away. This may seem confusing, so feel free to ask any questions. Except what Canalala's name is, because I don't know either. And even if you don't have any questions, review it. Please. Unless you write, you have no idea how happy reviews can make someone. Really, if you do, grab yourself a mind cookie!**

**Oh, and the reason Netherlands is the random vegetarian is because I looked up statistics, that may or may not be correct, and he has the highest percentage out of canon characters I hadn't yet used.**

**Thank you for reading this! Now if you'll excuse me...*passes out from exhaustion***


End file.
